Seething

I don't know where to start. I go back and forth, pacing my mind like I'd pace my apartment floor if only my feet were on the ground. But I'm not there. I'm here in timeless space where nothing makes any sense anymore; a mix and mash of mediocre emotion all in a shit pile of inoperable memories that I can't control even when I am behind the wheel of this car that's slowly starting to speed out of control. My brain is clouded. It's stuck in an endless fog that I'm forced to stumble around in without reason. The words, "Where am I?" escape from my mouth and for once I am unsure of anything but myself and my emotions, and how scary everything feels, and how crazy this life is, and in how many directions I could go stumbling in this unforgiving fog. And for what? For simplicity. For serenity. For everlasting peace of mind. For everything and nothing. For love and happiness. For courage. For strength. For... myself.