Fleeting Illusions

And deep inside she felt the aching, just dying to open up, to let it pour from her like rain pours from the tropical sky, but her nerves got the best of her. She swallowed her pride, swallowed it right down to her aching belly where it lay for as long as she could bear it. It was her protection. She wanted to feel invincible, even if it weren't true, even if it could never be true. It made her feel less vulnerable. It made her feel like she could take on the world. And her emotion hid deep inside of her until she'd burst open, spilling her feelings all over the floor, completely vulnerable for just an instant... And it seemed to be enough, but deep down she knew it couldn't possibly continue this way.

She was complicated.
She knew it.
She understood it.
It was who she was.

what do we have to do

to feel that way again?
nobody has an answer, but I've got a plan.
i'm simple, you're tragic
but nothing seems to matter because
it's all so trivial.
when in moments pivotal you turn your back
i'm waiting there, but nevermore.

-BeliefIS

My Reality

There she stood, gazing across the open plain in an attempt to find serenity within herself. Her eyes followed the movement of the swaying grass, the wind blew through her hair, and she breathed in deeply for the first time in months. The sky was the crispest blue she'd ever seen, and the clouds floated by on feathered wings, beckoning her to stay until the sun fell from the sky and the moon took its place, but she knew she could not, that she'd have to go back to the unceasing pace of city life and live up to the expectations set there for her. She sighed in contentment and rose from her resting place, her body leaving an indent in the tall blades of prairie grass and strode back up the tiny dirt path up to the top of the mountain. She felt refreshed and ready to take on anything. As she hopped into her car she switched on the radio and put in some Bob Dylan and made her way home. Shit! 12 'o clock already? She'd be late for work again...

Repetition

I tend to put myself in compromising positions. It's a skill I guess. I go back to situations that need no tending to, but I can't really help it, because there are certain things in life that I have a hard time letting go. But I'm gonna make a pact with myself! From this day forward I start a new leg of my life. I will leave the past to the past, and look toward the future with open eyes and open heart and mind. It's my duty to create my own story. If life has chapters, August 19th will be the start of a new one. Not much more to say other than embrace life as it comes and never doubt your intuition.

Without a doubt
BeliefIS, May 3, 2009