Breath Through Your Lungs

Set free your belief
Of fear and loathing
With heavy hand and tired eye.
Sleep slowly,
With melancholy dreams
Uniformly spaced,
Withered from weather;
From tired sighs of gratitude
That long for prolonged days.
Lie among summer blossoms.
Take deep breaths of clarity.
Sink in...
Sink in and resign
To the world you don't understand.
Free your lungs of speech.
Exist.
Resist belief.
Let fear and loathing be.

-11/29/11 LKS

My Soul Says

Reactionary intervention.
Sweet solitude like honey,
Dripping down the crippled streets
Of imagination,
Running amok like Sandlot children,
Feigning grace like falling stars.
Charming effervescence.
An iridescent light falls,
Slowly, spiraling downward,
Colliding with mercenaries
Of foreign lands,
Leading home the lost and famous,
Streaking naked through the night.
Falling letters.
Teardrops to a long, lost lover.
The promise of forever,
Or never…
The hope of no return.

-LKS

Think Of Me

Evaluate the moment you left behind. Every little word trickling down the back of your throat seems worthless, meaningless, flawless, all at the same time. Things you never could have said, but your mind races with the thought of expressing those sweet, clear words. False memories flood in, replacing the anguish you've caused yourself, scurrying back and forth, teasing you with hints of joy and happiness, all of it dreamlike... because it is. An illusion so powerful it consumes you! Every waking moment screams mercilessly at you, please accept me! even though you can't. It's not real... or is it? The fight to pretend weakens your psyche. You can no longer distinguish between what is real and what's not because its been so, so long and those memories hold your appetite so steady that you don't hunger anymore, you don't thirst, you just are. Everything within you just exists, dreamlike, an illusion.

Tread Carefully

I haven't been writing as much as I used to. It feels foreign not to write, but there's just nothing to say. My head is blank. Empty. My journal holds pointless, useless information about my day. What I did, who I saw, where I went, who I'm crushing on, who I love, who I hate... for lack of a better word. What happened to the metaphor? What happened to my brain swarming with injured thoughts about society? Where is the poetry in my every day, the dark horse that kept me shining?

"I can only write when I'm sad," I tell people.

I really don't think that's true. I think my brain feels dull, sullen, nervous, confused, overworked from all the bullshit that I shove into it every day. It's turning it's back on me, scorning me for no longer trying to think deeper, feel deeper, see the bigger picture. Feel deeper. Emotions don't come easy anymore. They're very easy to hide among the workload of my life. I make excuses not to feel and not to care. I don't want to get hurt.

"Nobody wants to get hurt," you say, but hurt comes too quickly and too easily for a girl like me. I fall too hard, too fast for those who don't understand me but who I wish understood me. I gravitate toward the unfamiliar because I can't face the fact that someone might actually give a shit. That's the worst part. I do this to myself.

I should really be more careful.

Ask and Receive: Gifts From the Universe

I have this belief that if you ask the universe for something you will receive it. It seems strange, doesn't it, putting your faith in the cosmos? It makes me wonder if the universe really is providing what I need, or if I just find a crafty way of getting what I want. Either way, putting my faith in the universe hasn't failed me yet. But I was wondering: What if there is something I need that I can't identify? What if I can't ask the universe for an answer because I haven't identified the question? Let me explain. I've felt like I've been in a little bit of a rut this semester. Maybe I'm overstressed and I'm taking on way too much for my own good. No shocker there! But either way I feel like I'm not totally in control of my daily activities. Normally I have a great handle on things and life balances beautifully, but I feel no balance. I feel like I don't have that handle on things that normally keeps my world upright and spinning beautifully. Everyone is entitled to a bad semester I guess, and let's not pretend that junior year isn't a downer, because it kind of is, but my question is why now? Why this semester? Furthermore, I feel like I'm missing something but I can't place my finger on what that something is. Maybe I just need something to be excited about; something to motivate me. Surely everyone needs motivation! Maybe I need more human interaction, or perhaps I need someone to confide in and to share my deepest thoughts with. I need a deep thinker, a philosopher. Or maybe I just need to not be stuck in this house all the time. Or maybe Fall semester just needs to end already because it makes absolutely everyone miserable. That's become pretty obvious talking to well, any college student on campus in the last two weeks. So this is my predicament. I don't know what to ask the universe for. Maybe it can just give me that motivation, or that philosopher, or that sense of adventure, or that end to Fall semester's long journey, or whatever it is that I'm missing. Or maybe I have to seek those things myself. I guess we'll just have to see.