Before I ever set my hands upon my keyboard this morning, I felt compelled to slide into a state of total relaxation. You know, I wanted to clear my mind. I put on the new Incubus single "Adolescents," lit up some Celestial, and took an incense bath in front of my computer screen. My method of relaxation might be considered a little unorthodox, but what the hell, it works just fine. And now I hope I can present you with a clear train of thought instead of the often confusing and overly metaphorical poetry you normally see on this blog.

Spring 2011 semester has finally come to a close and I believe it is time for a bit of self-reflection. I am halfway through college. Two years down, two to go. I am over the hill. I am 20 years old, but my youthful years appear to be fading fast, and I am left pondering the past, present, and future (but mostly the future). Frightening? Extremely. Rewarding? Very. I find my conversations turning to those unavoidable subjects including paying rent and other bills, marriage, and even children. But there is one question I have been mulling over for quite some time that I would like to try and answer for myself: What does it mean to grow up? And it might be safe to ask: Have I already grown up?

Well, the answer to my second question is clearly and distinctly "no". Although I will be paying my own rent and utility bills I am not completely financially independent. My parents keep me on their cell phone plan because it is cheaper to do so. I do not pay for my horse's board. I don't have a car payment and I don't pay for my insurance. I still have a difficult time filling out my financial aid forms. I ask for help on my W-4. I like to go out on the town as much as any college student, and I still make some irresponsible decisions even though they are against my better judgement. I can admit that I am still not comfortable with everything about myself. However I can safely claim that I am independently responsible for myself and for my actions. I work three jobs and I work pretty much every day. And I work hard. I save ahead of time for rent payments and can pay for my own groceries. I'm always at work at least 15 minutes early, and in fact I am 15 minutes early wherever I go. I constantly plan for both the near and far future. I am generally extremely mature for my age. I can handle myself. I know what I love and I know what I really dislike, and I can read people within 30 seconds of meeting them. I would say that I am a trustworthy and loyal person and friend. But what else factors into the transfer from youth to adulthood?

My answer: I don't know. Financial independence? Maturity? A distinct understanding of the way the world works? Life experience? Reading the newspaper in the morning? Working from 9-5? Marriage? Children? A house with a white picket fence? Taking responsibility for your actions? Going the extra mile? Perhaps all of these things. Perhaps none of them. I think that adulthood can come at many stages of life, and I do not believe that there is a defined line that separates the young from the slightly older. I don't believe that there is some kind of threshold that you cross where, when you get to the other side, you are suddenly thrust into adulthood. Although admittedly, some people are thrust into adulthood. There are plenty of adults who are still children, and plenty of children who act like adults. There is such a thing as an old soul and such a thing as a young mind. So where do we draw the line? Are you an adult once you reach a certain age? No, I wouldn't say so. Are you an adult once you move out of your parents' house? Not necessarily. Maybe it's when you can support yourself, think for yourself, speak for yourself, and be confident in each of these abilities. Maybe it's when society says that you are an adult. Or maybe it's when you realize that not everything is what it seems, when you step away from yourself in order to examine your past, present, and future, and when you can admit to the kind of person you have become without flinching.

For now, keep thinking.

-Lacee Kae